i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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