I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
