1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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