Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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