I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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