she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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