Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
