dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
