I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
