at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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