some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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