Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
