when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
