I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
