i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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