You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
