woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
