She said her name was "party"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
