Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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