I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize