Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
