You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
