I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.