Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
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Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.