I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."