someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate