My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.