The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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