I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
