Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
a search helicopter?!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
