We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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