rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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