i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i believe in u and ur pee
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
