Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
