you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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