just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
