Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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