I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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