He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
