Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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