I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Buhtt sex?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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