Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
