I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
