wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
