lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
