my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
