look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
