i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
