her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
