Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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