i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
