She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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