So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this just has baby written all over it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
