Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
