I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
