final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Found your dick twin last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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