I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
