I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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