What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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