This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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