this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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