If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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