She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
