oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize