I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
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You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
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There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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