i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
