Whats the glycemic index on semen?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz