Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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