I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
