How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
