yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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